Monday, November 17, 2008


Dear DC Metro Riders,

Hello there! I just wanted to send a note to talk about a teensy-tiny little problem that I've been having with you. I know we normally get along quite well, which is really shocking when you think about it, since you're usually all up in my personal space, which makes me sort of cranky. But I don't hold it against you because I understand that you're really just a product of the environment in which you exist - which is, well, the DC transportation system. And really, the metro's better than most of it.

So I'm not talking about personal space here. Except if by personal space, we're talking about the personal space that none of us are going to have when landfills take over our pretty little planet. That's right, my dear metro friends, I'm pulling out the hyperbole. But I promise, it's for a good cause.

I'm talking newspapers, people. Any type of newspaper you could want, you can get here. And you can get a bunch of them for free. I, for one, am a happy reader of the Washington Post Express. I normally read the news online, but I delight in my free paper and a few moments of luxurious non-law reading while I stand squished in between several of you flowery-scented metro riders. But guess what I do when I'm finished with my paper? I know, I know. You're tired of guessing games. So I'll tell you.
I put it in the recycling bin.

Don't act surprised. It's the giant bin that says NEWSPAPER HERE with a slot in it. It's at the exit of every metro station right next to the trash can. RIGHT NEXT to the trashcan. And I have to say that I am increasingly disappointed by you, my fellow riders, when you stand in front of the recycling bin and throw your newspaper into the trash can.

I get that sometimes you're busy and don't have time to take that environmentally-conscious step. It happens to me. I feel shame, but it happens. I forgive you for that. I forgive me for that. I forgive all human-kind for our overworked, forgetful sometimes lack of recycling. I do.

But I'm telling you now - the next person I see stand in front of a perfectly good recycling bin and reach past it to throw their newspaper into the trash is going to get strapped to a chair and have their eyes held open while I force them to stare at this creepy picture of Al Gore for 24 hours.


(In)Sanity Gal


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