Wednesday, September 30, 2009

3L-itis and bad

I so don't want to do this anymore.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Bad Boys Bad Boys

I have always been a good girl. I still am. A rule follower, if you will - all about pleasing the teacher.

So I was something of an anomaly at the Red Lobster chain where I waitressed my first two summers of college. The servers running around the kitchen were about as different from me as you could get. The girls were loud, bitchy, and promiscuous. They had long acrylic nails, wore thick eyeliner, and took lengthy smoke breaks. They didn't like me. I think they thought I was snooty. Mostly I was just scared of them. The boys were potheads or thugs. They wore their pants low and thought very highly of themselves. They got into fights. I was shy around all of them, always more prone to recognize my own failure to fit in than anything else.

J was a line cook. He was loud and difficult and always in trouble with the managers. He had piercing blue eyes and ridiculously long eyelashes. He flirted with me through the metal rack where the cooks placed the food for the servers to pick up. I was surprised. And delighted. And confused. He was older - 23, and could've had any of the girls in there. Why was he flirting with the quiet 18-year old?

I'm sure that we can all imagine why right now, but let's remember that I was young and naïve.

I started looking forward to work, knowing that I would see him there. My heart fluttered every time I walked into the kitchen. I would catch his eyes and then look down, suddenly shy. I'd had a lot of boyfriends by then, and one for several years, but I was still a virgin. I knew the look in his eyes - it was pure lust. I'd never felt it directed at me. It excited me and terrified me at the same time. My boyfriends had been young and inexperienced like me. They had been sweet, shy boys that I met in band or on academic bowl (stop laughing - I'm serious). This guy - this was different. He'd been around. And when he looked at me, I felt suddenly naked and tingly and not quite sure what to do with myself. Being wanted that badly was like nothing I'd ever experienced.

It was intoxicating, and it scared the shit out of me. As much as I wanted to believe differently, I knew that J didn't care about me. And honestly, I think I knew that we had basically nothing in common. He had dropped out of college, had been in jail for drug possession, didn't really know his parents. I was…well, me. It was like my own little bad boy fantasy. I did relish in it for a bit. But after about a month and a half of my refusing to do the ultimate deed, he told me he was too old for that sort of thing. Virgins were not his style. Every so often I say a little thank you for my naïve good sense - it would've been an awful first time.

So we broke up. I went back to school. He called sometimes - he liked to talk to me on the phone. I assumed he was sleeping with other girls. And then I didn't hear from him for a while. About 2 months. I figured that was that - he'd met some other young girl and was seducing her. And then one night I got a call - he'd been in jail. Arrested for purchasing heroin for an undercover cop. Something finally clicked, and I realized that this was not the guy for me.

And I moved on with life. I dated other guys. I went back to my high school boyfriend. And then I dated girls. And eventually I met the babe. And I didn't think much about J (except of course to every now and then thank the heavens that I didn't have sex with him).

And then three days ago, I got a friend request.

Oh dear Facebook.

Yep, it was him.

First, I have to say, for those of you who don't know me in person, I have a REALLY common name. There are thousands of people out there with my name. In fact, on facebook, there are approximately 3600 people with my name. He must've really looked. I didn't even remember his last name - I mean, it's been 10 years!

So, I was shocked. Obviously. And then I thought - I bet he's the kind of person who wouldn't have any protections on his page. And, sure enough, I clicked on his picture and his whole profile came up. And then….

I was in NO WAY prepared for what I saw next.

The man is a radio evangelist.

Yes, you read that correctly. He's a DJ on a Baptist radio station. His page is filled with Bible quotes and admonishments to be Holy.

I'm still in awe. I keep remembering him saying, "Look, it's not that big of a deal. It won't hurt that bad. Just come on." THIS man is a radio evangelist.


I didn't accept the request. I think that's one person better kept a memory.

And thank goodness I've discovered what it's like to be lusted after by someone who actually loves me.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Maybe I'll just link my blog to Obama Foodorama

I'm not intending for this blog to become all about food. But, seriously, would that be a bad thing?

Delighted to read this on the G20 summit:

The Phipps Conservatory and Botanical Gardens is the site of the opening G20 reception on Thursday, as well as the working dinner for summit leaders on Thursday evening (photo at top of post). As is standard practice for all events at Phipps, food and beverages will be local, organic, sustainably raised and humanely raised where applicable. Fair Trade organic coffee will be served, food waste will be composted, and paper, glass, plastic, cardboard and cans will be recycled. The Victorian-era botanical garden, known as "The Green Heart of Pittsburgh," has been restored, expanded, and updated, and is recognized as one of the greenest public sites in the world; go here to read the comprehensive series of initiatives Phipps has in place to ensure energy conservation and sustainability, including Silver LEED certification.

From, where else, Obama Foodorama.

In other news, I'm finally getting to do a research paper involving the Farm Bill. Hurrah.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Give me a hoe

Here's to hoping that one day I'll have my own garden and that I'll look as cute as Michelle Obama while I tend it.

You can go to my new favorite blog to read all about the White House garden.
Photo from Obama Foodorama

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

New addition

This is my mom's new kitten.

Be still my heart.

Oh Dear

So early in the semester, and the Babe and I have already devolved to this:


the babe: Remind me when it's time to leave that I don't have pants on.

me: ok


me: babe, you don't have pants on.


me: you never want to wear pants.

the babe: true.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Gay people in Maine

Equality Maine has a great new tv spot in support of same-sex marriage.

Go here to watch the video.

Go here to see what they're doing in Maine (and to donate money if that's what you're into).

Monday, September 7, 2009

Inquiring Minds

The big question of the day.

You're at someone else's house. You're peeing. In their toilet.

You notice that the toilet paper has not been put on the holder. It's just resting on top.

Do you pull some off and go about your business?

Or do you put it on the holder?

Sunday, September 6, 2009

If Loving You is Wrong, I Don't Want to Be Right

I've always thought guys were a little weird with their electronics obsession, loving their televisions and their gadgets. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good tv, and I've liked some of my cellphones. I appreciate what technology can do for me.

But I've never loved something electronic.

Until this.

Oh, beautiful computer. You make me swoon.

My laptop is fine, but I never felt this way about it. It always felt heavy and clunky. This one feels svelt and sleek. I can carry it around in one hand. The keys hardly make any noise. Everything is shiny.

I love it. Love it. Love it. Love it.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Remember me?

In college I had a pretty close friendship with another girl - R. We hung out a lot, talked about feelings - we were close. After graduation, we kept up with each other for a while. But then a couple of weeks went by, and I didn't have a chance to call. I thought about calling once while I was walking home, but it didn't seem like enough time to cover all of the things that had happened since we'd last talked. And then I got busy and another couple weeks went by. And then a month went by. And I had it on my to-do list for months - Call R. And then it had been a year, and I had missed her birthday and she had missed mine and I'd met someone and hadn't told her yet about it. And it seemed overwhelming to call - how would we cover everything? Would we have anything to talk about anymore? And I just didn't ever call. And it's been 5 years now. I don't really know anything about her anymore. This good friend I had. Now it feels weird to try to get in touch with her.

You might have a similar story. Or you might be better at keeping up with people.

But here's the thing - that's happening right now with you guys. I've had Blog on my to-do list for weeks now. I think of blog posts while I'm walking, running, taking a shower. But so much has happened, there's so much I want to tell you, and I get overwhelmed. I don't know where to start. I've got a thousand posts about traveling, tons about school starting, and then just general random stuff.

And...I haven't been reading about you guys either. I've just been absent. I've been letting this relationship drift away.

Since things are easier sometimes when you write them down, I'm going to practice building it back up. I'm apologizing here for drifting away. And I'm telling you that I'm going to come back. And maybe I won't be able to tell you everything, but I'll start off from here.

And maybe I'll get better about this. Maybe I'll finally call R.

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