Holiday Observations

I leave Atlanta tomorrow and head back home to DC. It's been interesting being home this time. I've been watching my family relax and enjoy the weekend while I've been prepping for exams. There's been some jealousy. I won't pretend that there hasn't been.

But mostly I've been noticing how tightly I cling to any moments of free time I have, how much pressure I put on those moments, how I want to use them perfectly, suck every bit of pleasure possible out of them. And I'm noticing that my mom and her husband don't do that. They putter, they close their eyes for a few minutes while they're reading, they stand around in the hard while the dogs are pooping. They don't guard every moment like it's worth a million dollars.

I miss that. I miss feeling like there's some room to play, some room to flamboyantly waste time.
I know that the holiday break is going. But it's only a respite.

I'm hearing my mom's voice in my head telling me how lucky I am to have the opportunity to go to law school, to a good school. To do this after I've already gone to college and graduate school. I know that's true.

But right now I'm just tired.