Friday, November 28, 2008

Holiday Observations

I leave Atlanta tomorrow and head back home to DC. It's been interesting being home this time. I've been watching my family relax and enjoy the weekend while I've been prepping for exams. There's been some jealousy. I won't pretend that there hasn't been.

But mostly I've been noticing how tightly I cling to any moments of free time I have, how much pressure I put on those moments, how I want to use them perfectly, suck every bit of pleasure possible out of them. And I'm noticing that my mom and her husband don't do that. They putter, they close their eyes for a few minutes while they're reading, they stand around in the hard while the dogs are pooping. They don't guard every moment like it's worth a million dollars.

I miss that. I miss feeling like there's some room to play, some room to flamboyantly waste time.
I know that the holiday break is going. But it's only a respite.

I'm hearing my mom's voice in my head telling me how lucky I am to have the opportunity to go to law school, to a good school. To do this after I've already gone to college and graduate school. I know that's true.

But right now I'm just tired.

6 comments:

saisai said...

at least your month of pressure to post every day is almost over.

i'm proud of you, kiddo! you did it!

Pip said...

You'll have free time again one day. Not while you're in law school, but it does get better later. I was actually able to leave all of my work at the office for the holiday and fell asleep on the couch reading my book this weekend. I am sure you will be doing the same in a couple of years. In the meantime, just look forward to the day after your last final. You'll be able to sleep late!

Anonymous said...

soon my pressure filled days will begin again after an unexpectedly long break. i'm nervous about the pressure coming soon. i'm nervous about whether I can handle it and if I can have deep thoughts and write clearly when I'm really yearning to discover the US with P. I feel guilty to say it, but I don't want to go back to work. Your post hit the nail on the head. good luck this week.
beth

(In)Sanity Gal said...

pip - i so look forward to that free time. thank you for giving me hope that i haven't said goodbye to it forever.

beth - i know it's going to be ridiculously hard to get back to work. i can't even imagine. i feel like you guys deserve a year to just hang out with each other and play.

(In)Sanity Gal said...
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(In)Sanity Gal said...
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