Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Pema, are you out there?

Why is compassion so hard?

Let me clarify - why is compassion for myself so hard? Why is it that I'm filled with understanding and compassion for everyone around me, but as soon as I act in a way that feels less than my best, I can't stop beating myself up over it.

Let me clarify again - When I don't do good schoolwork, when I don't give good interviews, when I answer stupidly in class - I'm bothered by these things, but that's not what I'm talking about.

What I'm talking about is when I am rude or selfish or needy or lacking in understanding, when I'm not the kind of person that I want to be.

I used to have a therapist who asked me why I thought I was so special that I got to be perfect. It's a good question.

My therapist now says that the compassion I have for others now is nothing compared to what it could be if I learned to have more compassion for myself.

So I guess all I'm saying is that I'm trying to keep on with this journey - this journey of becoming vehemently imperfect and wildly compassionate.


jen said...

what an honest and lovely post.

Merrily Down the Stream said...

Girl, you are playing my song. I have never judged others (hopefully) as critically as I do myself. Learning to be kind to me is an ongoing struggle. But I will not cave - I will persist! And no doubt screw it up sometimes but what the heck??? I mean REALLY!

PT-LawMom said...

Great post. I hear you. No one is as hard on me as I am. Actually, they are, but it's all in my mind. ;)

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