Monday, October 20, 2008

It's that time of year again

Yes, it is.

Runny nose season.

The season of balled up used tissues in the pockets of all of your coats and jackets and pants. The season of snot residue on the ends of your sleeves because the balled up tissue in your pocket was so snotty as to have basically disintegrated, making it no longer useful for nose-blowing or snot-wiping. The season of knowing that every time you shake someone's hand, there's a little snot-swapping festival occurring. The season of constant fear that at any moment, there may be a tiny droplet of runny snot gleaming on the inside of your nose making the person that you're speaking to incredibly uncomfortable.

Ah, what a special time.

This year, runny nose season has taken on a new and delightful meaning for me. Why? Because I am now a bike rider. Yes, I now experience the pleasure of making frantic calculations as I ride next to as*hole car drivers - if I take my left hand off of the handle right now to wipe the snot from my nose, will I veer and hit the curb or hit the car that is driving ever closer to me? If I take my left hand off of the handle right now, is this car close enough to me that I could shoot a snot rocket onto their window? God, I wish I knew how to blow a snot rocket.

Because I actually do not like to have snot incessantly running down my face, and because I am fearful of wrecking my bike as I try to wipe snot and/or blow my nose (which I have attempted), I have come up with a couple of ideas. 1. Crochet a tiny nose stocking with an elastic cord that goes around my head. It will cover my nose, keep it from getting too cold, and catch any wayward snot. 2. Roll up tissue paper and stick it into my nostrils to soak up any snot while I ride. Of course, I'll have to buy throat lozenges to address the sore throat that I'll have from breathing with my mouth open in the cold. 3. Wear a stick-on mustache while I ride so that all of the snot will get caught in it. This has the added benefit of entertaining passer-by who will try to figure out whether I am a boy or a girl. Of course, I hate all passer-by when I am on my bike, so I'm not sure that I want to entertain them.

Snot. Good times.

4 comments:

n said...

One great thing about Vermont... it's often so cold in the winter that the snot gets frozen in your nose when you breathe in :)

(In)Sanity Gal said...

Ah yes, Vermont. :)

I'm not sure I feel really excited about biking in weather that's cold enough to freeze my snot, though. Just sayin.

n said...

you probably wouldn't be able to bike because you'd be wearing at least three pairs of long underwear under your pants, making it hard to bend your knees ;-)

ImNobody said...

I recommend a face mask: good for bike riding to class, and robbing banks, depending on how good your financial aid package is.

Thanks for the well-wishes! :)

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