Thursday, October 9, 2008

Surprise Surprise!

I walked into the bathroom, walked to my usual stall (there are three – mine’s the one furthest left), and sat down for a standard pee. There was one other person in the bathroom – in the stall furthest right. One stall between us.

So I start to pee and Surpoot!

That’s right – a surprise poot. Completely unexpected. Poot! Just like that. Not a fart – just a poot – kind of like the sound of a bee bee gun, maybe?

Of course, I clench up reflexively in the Holy-God-I’ve-Made-a-Sound-In-A-Public-Restroom-Other-Than-My-Urine-Hitting-the-Toilet-Bowl-Water kind of way. The stream of pee stops.

And then from the other stall: “Hey, I heard that! You – in the far stall – I heard that poot!...... Why are you trying to be so quiet?....... I can hear you breathing!”

Okay, so obviously that didn’t happen.

There was no noise from the other stall. But I knew she was thinking it.

My eyes began to water from holding back the pee. My legs quivered from the hovering.

The bathroom was silent.

What to do now? Pee and risk another poot? Hold it in and hope that she’ll leave? Wipe and zip up and leave and come back later?

Okay, the second two really aren’t options. I’m going to break. Do you know how hard it is to be in a bathroom and NOT pee?

Dear Reader, believe me when I say that I had no choice.

So I peed. And pooted. Poot. Poot. Poot….poot….poot.

And then I wiped so fast, flushed, and tore out of the stall. I wanted to run straight for the door, but I couldn’t have her thinking that I was a DIRTY public bathroom pooter.

So I forced myself to wash my hands. And just as I was grabbing a paper towel, she flushed the toilet. Aaagh!

I ran – yes, a sad The-Person-Who-Heard-Me-Poot-In-A-Public-Restroom-Is-Going-To-Come-Out-Of-The-Stall-And-See-My-Face kind of run-shuffle out of the bathroom.

But she doesn’t know who I am, and I don’t know who she is. And, because of this, I will hopefully be able to use that restroom again and not have to resort to keeping a pee can under my desk.

Hat tip to Petunia Face. Ah, the irony. I had just read her post.


Anonymous said...

i bet the other person waited a bit longer hoping that you would already be gone. I don't think she wanted to see who you were as much as you didn't want her to see you. I for one don't like public restroom meetings.

PT-LawMom said...

LMAO. And hovering? What is up with that?!? You are like the fifth girl I've met that does that. I think TrannyHead needs to run a poll on that. I'm a cover-the-seat-in-10,000-sheets-of-paper girl. But no way am I doing the seat-spraying hover move. Ick.

(In)Sanity Gal said...

I promise I hover VERY CLOSE to the seat - no spraying!

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