Smack

Enjoy the following email exchange between the babe and one of our friends from school:



To me and the babe:


So, what brand of tissues do you both like? Do you prefer scented or unscented? With Aloe or without?

I just want to be a supportive friend and buy you a box of tissues for when the greatest team in sports history wins the next three games to claim their 27th championship title. I know you'll be upset when that happens, so I want to be prepared and help out as best I can.



- [Yankee Fan]





And the babe's response:




Dear [Yankee Fan],

Thank you for your concern. Given that last night's game was basically a must win for your team, I am relieved you won it. I was worried about your mental health and the safety of all new yorkers. I was also worried that this would be another boring series where the Phillies crushed the opposition, despite predictions that the opposition should be better. I'm thankful the Yankees, the highest scoring team in baseball could eek out three runs over nine innings against a 38 year old pitcher. Thanks for providing us Phillies fans with some entertainment.

As for your concern about tissues, no need to worry. I don't know if you've heard about what Phillies fans are like, but you should check it out here and here. I think you can understand that we don't do tissues, we get mad. Anyway, I hope you enjoy watching the Phillies beat the tar out of the most winning playoff pitcher ever on Saturday night, while last year's World Series MVP shows how he got that title.

[The babe]


PS Do you think Derek Jeter or Alex Rodriguez will end up making any difference at all this series? Or do you think they'll continue to be their useless overpaid selves the rest of the time?





Because I am less practiced in the art of trash talk, I kept my response to a simple "pptptpbhpppth." Also, I prefer to maintain a more gentle approach lest I jinx my team. Never fear Phillies, I've knocked on wood on your behalf.