Maine

I ventured on to the Yes on 1 in Maine website this morning - it's actually Stand for Marriage Maine - to see what they were saying about yesterday's vote. It was risky for my sanity, but I'm continuously trying to understand what is behind the fear and hatred of gay marriage. I braced myself for a victory speech. I had already read the defeat speech at Protect Maine Equality, and imagining the victory cheering over at Yes on 1 made me feel sick to my stomach.

I clicked on the site. Nothing. No speech. No victory press release. Just all of the information about getting ready for the vote. It was like the website just stopped once the vote got started. And then I realized - it did. Because that's all they came here to do. They incited the requisite amount of fear, and their job was done. There was no need for a victory speech - nothing had really changed for them. They just retained the right to keep on being hateful. They could go home to dinner with their families and nothing had changed. Because what happens with this law DOES NOT AFFECT what happens in their home AT ALL. It just doesn't.

But the people over at No on 1 - they were having an election night party. They were liveblogging the election results. They were so hopeful. There were couples dreaming of the wedding they were going to plan this year. There were children excited that their parents were finally going to get married. There was a roomful of people who represented that hope that all of us around the country were feeling - that we could count on another state where people recognize that our love and our relationships deserve the same respect and the same name as heterosexual relationships. Not just the same rights - the same respect.

And all of them - and with them, all of us - went home so disappointed and so hurt and so angry. And what happens in their homes IS AFFECTED. They did have something taken away - something real. It's not theoretical for them - or for us - it's reality. The values are important, of course. Wanting to live in a world that recognizes certain things is important. But it's about real rights, too. It's about whether gay couples in Maine can sign a marriage certificate or not. And today, they cannot.

I hope that I am around when those who have supported anti-gay speech and legislation and actions learn to feel shame.

Sweet Gracie

You've met Gracie before.

When Java died recently, I introduced you.

And somehow - it seems both unreasonable and unreal - I am here again. Writing about the loss of a dear, sweet animal who should not be gone. Who, in truth, I can't really accept is gone.

Maybe I won't until I go home again.

And yet, she is clearly gone because when I talk to my mom, there are tears and sadness in her voice, and she talks about how quiet the house is.

It's exceedingly unfair that she should have dealt with this twice in one month, and both so unexpectedly. And that my sister has lost both of her animals while she's out of the country.

Gracie had cancer. None of us knew. The vet said that's normal for golden retrievers. They're people pleasers of the highest degree and don't want to cause any trouble. They hide their symptoms until they simply can't anymore. And then it's too late. And it was.

When they found it, the cancer was in her heart and her lungs, and they said she wouldn't make it the rest of the day.

There are people who say that pet owners pretend that their pets are more human than they are. But there's no doubt in my mind that Gracie was trying to save us from the pain until she couldn't anymore.

This will hurt for a long time to come.

Ode

When my sister told me that she wanted us to get my mom a kitten for Christmas, my first thought was “Oh hell no.” I remembered back to a particular pre-divorce Christmas a few years earlier. My dad surprised us with a puppy. And by “us,” I mean all of us – mom too. She was pissed – how could my dad have made this big decision without talking to her about it?


Of course we learned to love Gracie.


But then my dad left. And when he did so, he left Gracie. And then my sister went to college. And there my mom was – a single woman with a dog. Don’t get me wrong – she loved Gracie. But she felt resentful that she was now the sole person taking care of her. She traveled a lot for her work at that point and always had to make arrangements for Gracie when she was gone.


So getting Mom a kitten seemed to me to be a very bad idea. But then of course my sister H pointed out how much Mom loved Gracie and how she felt sort of lonely and was missing my cat (who had lived with her for a while before she came to live with me). And then my sis started talking about the cute kittens that she had already gone to see and the particular one that she had fallen in love with. And then…


Mom was a bit irked. She thought we had a lot of gall. We did.


But that precious ball of black fur knew exactly what to do. He snuggled his way into my mom’s heart in pretty short order. He even became great friends with Gracie. Oh yes, that Java was a special kitty – a perfect combination of snuggly and frisky and autonomous.


We all made adjustments when Mom moved to the city to live with the wonderful man who would become her husband. New digs, new animal siblings, new neighborhood. Java had been an indoor/outdoor cat in our quiet neighborhood. There were numerous conversations over what to do about that. Mom and her sweetheart didn’t want to give Java up – they adored him. That Java had won over this man was a feat – he had never liked any cat. And yet he loved this cat.


So Java moved to the city. He hated being indoors all the time. He meowed at the door. And so, they began to let him out for short periods of time. They worried. But Java would show back up at the door happy as a clam. For that year and a half in the city, he happily basked in the adoration of his family and the happy ramblings among the neighbors’ yards. He laid at the feet of the bed when I came home to visit and rubbed up against my legs and snuggled into my lap.


Yesterday Java was hit by a car, and the family that loves him is mourning. And beating themselves up a bit. And missing him so terribly much.