I believe children are the future

Do you remember the episode of Who's the Boss where Tony sang that song in the classroom where he was taking night classes? It was one of the later episodes after most everyone stopped watching because Sam was all grown up, and Tony and Angela were together, so it wasn't fun to wonder whether they were going to get together. The show had jumped the shark. But then last year when I didn't have television, I found old episodes on you tube and watched them incessantly. I don't know. I have a thing for bad 80s/90s television. Anyway, that's not the point.

Here's a little pick me up for your day!

Maine

I ventured on to the Yes on 1 in Maine website this morning - it's actually Stand for Marriage Maine - to see what they were saying about yesterday's vote. It was risky for my sanity, but I'm continuously trying to understand what is behind the fear and hatred of gay marriage. I braced myself for a victory speech. I had already read the defeat speech at Protect Maine Equality, and imagining the victory cheering over at Yes on 1 made me feel sick to my stomach.

I clicked on the site. Nothing. No speech. No victory press release. Just all of the information about getting ready for the vote. It was like the website just stopped once the vote got started. And then I realized - it did. Because that's all they came here to do. They incited the requisite amount of fear, and their job was done. There was no need for a victory speech - nothing had really changed for them. They just retained the right to keep on being hateful. They could go home to dinner with their families and nothing had changed. Because what happens with this law DOES NOT AFFECT what happens in their home AT ALL. It just doesn't.

But the people over at No on 1 - they were having an election night party. They were liveblogging the election results. They were so hopeful. There were couples dreaming of the wedding they were going to plan this year. There were children excited that their parents were finally going to get married. There was a roomful of people who represented that hope that all of us around the country were feeling - that we could count on another state where people recognize that our love and our relationships deserve the same respect and the same name as heterosexual relationships. Not just the same rights - the same respect.

And all of them - and with them, all of us - went home so disappointed and so hurt and so angry. And what happens in their homes IS AFFECTED. They did have something taken away - something real. It's not theoretical for them - or for us - it's reality. The values are important, of course. Wanting to live in a world that recognizes certain things is important. But it's about real rights, too. It's about whether gay couples in Maine can sign a marriage certificate or not. And today, they cannot.

I hope that I am around when those who have supported anti-gay speech and legislation and actions learn to feel shame.

Gay people in Maine

Equality Maine has a great new tv spot in support of same-sex marriage.

Go here to watch the video.

Go here to see what they're doing in Maine (and to donate money if that's what you're into).

VERMONT!!!

House overrode the veto 100 to 49.

Take that Douglas.

Fingers crossed

From the Burlington Free Press:

The Vermont Senate this morning has voted to override Gov. Jim Douglas' veto of the same-sex marriage legislation.

The vote passed, 23-5.

The House vote, possibly later this morning, will be more dramatic. Smith and other House Democratic leaders are urging Democrats who voted against the bill to support the majority and vote for the override.

If all 150 members are present, 100 votes are needed for an override. Counting all members who voted for the bill in two votes last week, plus the speaker, who did not cast a vote but may on the override, there are 97 who support the bill. Two Democrats who voted against the bill have said they would change course and support the override.

Come on guys. Give us another state to cheer for.

Twisted Logic

Governor Douglas on his veto of the same-sex marriage bill in Vermont:


“This legislation does not address the inequalities espoused by proponents,” Douglas said in his veto message. “Regardless of whether the term marriage is applied, federal benefits will still be denied to same-sex couples in Vermont.”



What brilliant reasoning! I hadn't thought of that. Of course it makes sense that if same-sex couples don't get federal rights, it wouldn't matter if they got state rights. I mean, seriously, states don't matter. It's not like they're the ones in charge of marrying you or something.

Oh wait...

GO IOWA!...OR LOWA?

So, needless to say I'm absolutely delighted by the Iowa Supreme Court's ruling - you can get the full opinion here.

But so far my favorite read of the day is this comment from a reader of Politico.

GO LOWA!!!!! i m european and never heard of Lowa before but i m so happy for all you. i cant believe that today in USA gay people cant marry. it is so incredible that many USA countries don't even offer partership for gay. what kind of democracy is that? GO LOWA show them the way. big kiss from Holland!!!!

Yes, Lowa. You've won our hearts.

Sometimes you just can't help what you are

The other night after our lobby day experiences, the babe and I watched Serving in Silence: The Margarethe Cammermeyer Story.

There's a scene in the movie where Margarethe apologizes to Diane, her partner.

The babe and I stopped the movie and had an extended conversation about the ways in which we felt their communication with each other was lacking and how we thought the conversation should've gone. The babe presented her version, and then I presented mine. We were basically on the same page - Margarethe should've asked for a bit more of what she needed. We knodded our heads in agreement and turned the movie back on.

Ah, processing lesbians watching lesbians process.

The Human Face

"Defend America. Not Homophobia. Repeal DADT."

Those were the words on the shirt of the older gentleman who asked to take our picture as we stood on the lawn in front of the capital with our American flags and Freedom to Serve signs. We had just come from the first half of the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network's Lobby Day to convince our representatives to co-sponsor the Military Readiness Enhancement Act that would repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell. It was me and the babe and two other girls, one of whom is currently a plaintiff after having been discharged under DADT.

He seemed to be on his own, and I thought it was a little weird that he was so excited to be getting our picture. And then he asked if he could get in a picture with us and exclaimed, "My wife will be so excited!"

Later he came up to the babe and me.

"You know, somebody told me that military nurses...I know someone who is one...and I guess they're probably mostly women...anyway, someone told me that about half of them are gay."

The babe and I agreed that didn't seem all that surprising.

"What do you think would happen if they just got up left? Just weren't there anymore?"

I complimented him on his shirt. I could see that it was homemade.

He told us that he carried a little notebook with him and wrote down these t-shirt ideas when he came up with them. I wondered if he was just somebody who loved causes, who liked to go to rallies and fight for things. I was very curious about him.

I learned that he used to work at Circuit City until it went bust, that he was jewish, that he had 3 children - 2 boys, one married and one not, and one married daughter. That his daughter was married to a Japanese man and that it had been very difficult for his wife to accept her choice.

He talked about the horrors of discrimination, the idiocy of hatred.

He told me about the experiences that he and his wife had as they traveled around Maryland putting up Civil Marriage is a Civil Right signs.

Finally, I asked. "What brought about your interest in gay rights?"

He seemed surprised by the question.

"My brother. He was the smartest guy you ever met - 4th in his class at Harvard. He almost finished his degree at MIT, but he stopped to take some time off. Everybody knew there was something a little bit different; we talked about it. My parents always seemed really good - like they didn't really have a problem with gay people. But then...well, they just went crazy. It was awful. Anybody else, but not their son...

Have you seen Prayers for Bobby?"

I told him that I hadn't, that I hadn't heard of it.

"It was on lifetime about a month ago. It was about a boy who killed himself, threw himself off a bridge. His mother was really religious and just wouldn't accept him. She made him feel awful about himself... It's a book too. I bought it used for five dollars. I could send you a copy if you want."

I wrote down the title and assured him that I would find a copy of it.

The first speaker came up to the podium, and the rally began. I told the gentleman to have a nice day, that I needed to head back over to my friends. He wished me a good day.

I watched him walk around and take pictures. I realized that I didn't even know his name.

Way to Go GMU

I don't know much about George Mason University, and most of what I know I learned just now from this article. But good for them for stepping outside the box and electing Reann (the drag-queen alter ego of Ryan Allen) as this year's Homecoming Queen.

Totally rained on my parade

Protest Day:

1:30 - leave the apartment. later than we had planned, of course. it's ridiculously warm outside, especially cause we're prepped for gross, cold, rainy weather.

1:45 - on the metro, planning to get off at Archives/Navy Mem'l and walk to the reflecting pool.

2:00 - walking down Pennsylvania Ave. Hmm...there's a protest going on here, but I'm pretty sure that no one at the Prop 8 protest would be waving a Chinese flag. We step into the street to try to see whether we can get around this group of protestors. Aaaaah! We're back on the sidewalk! We're back on the sidewalk! Dear god. A police officer just screamed at us as if we had stepped off the sidewalk and proceeded to pull out machine guns.

2:01 - talk to friend A, who is at the Prop 8 protest, who tells us that they're not going to start marching anytime soon.

2:02 - realize that these are Free Tibet and Pro-China protestors.

2:03 - try pushing through them to cross the street.

2:04 - ask one of the numerous police officers - AAAaaah! We're back on the sidewalk! We're back on the sidewalk! Oy. Stand ON THE SIDEWALK while asking a police officer when we are going to be able to cross the street.

2:05 - learn that the protestors are waiting for the motorcades going to the G20 summit. learn that we cannot cross the street until the motorcade is over.

2:06 - decide to wait...

2:20 - have lost partial hearing in both ears from very talented protestor screaming "China Is A Liar!"

2:25 - police officer in front of us stiffens and looks concerned...hand goes to gun.

2:25.5 - i stiffen and look concerned...hand goes to the babe.

2:25.75 - realize that some of the Free Tibet protestors are getting into a scuffle with some of the Pro-China protestors.

2:26 - police car pulls up. tough guy police officer gets out. has a billy club. slaps it on his hand. moves into crowd and begins shoving people apart. babe and i try to make ourselves smaller.

2:27 - more police officers. much pushing. random folks trying to take pictures. officer shoves random woman. random woman calls officer a dickhead. the babe and smoosh closer together.

2:29 - calmer...

2:35 - hear police officer say that the street could be closed for another 30 or 45 minutes.

2:36 - curse. decide to try to get to the protest some other way.

2:37 - wander down some random streets. talk to a police officer. realize there's no way we're getting around this. talk to friend A again, who says they're marching now. decide to get on metro and try to meet them.

2:45 - rain.

2:46 - downpour.

2:47 - sideways rain.

2:50 - get into metro station. drenched. see would-be protestors folding up soaked signs and throwing them away because they couldn't cross Penn Ave to get there.

3:03 - come up escalator stairs at metro center. no rain. call friend A, who is no longer marching. ran away because of the rain. tells us to call another friend. doesn't answer phone.

3:05 - start walking in right (hopefully) direction.

3:08 - hear yelling. good sign.

3:09 - see lots of wet, bedraggled gay people. great sign.

3:11 - "What do we want? EQUALITY!! When do we want it? NOW"

3:15 - meet up with friends at the end spot. cheer. take pictures. sing the national anthem.

3:16 - rain. umbrellas up. cheer...

3:30 - leave the rally. have appointment at 4:00.

What a day - with about 20 minutes of it actually spent protesting Prop 8. After watching the san Diego videos, I wish we had been there with T.

My favorite sign said "When Can I Vote on Your Marriage?" I took a picture, but technical difficulties keep me from posting it.

Other people say it better

There's been a lot of discussion lately about Prop 8 and role of African American voters. It's been a major topic of blogging and conversation at my school and among my blogger friends and around lunch tables and over gchat. Mostly my friends are white and while we think of ourselves as liberal and accepting, there's admittedly been a certain perspective lacking.

If you're hoping that I am now going to start a reasoned discourse on this topic, you're about to be disappointed. I'm not. You might have noticed from my recent posts that being reasonable is not my strong suit right now. I'm on the edge.

But I read a post today about this whole issue that I found to be incredibly reasoned, and so for those who are looking for something like that, I'm pointing you to it.

A teaser:

In order to address homophobia in the black community, we have to be able to acknowledge that it exists without people of color and "allied" white liberals knee-jerk calling anyone who does so a "racist." Calling each other names and then angrily retreating back to our own segregated little corners of the world because some things are too "taboo" to acknowledge won't get us anywhere near addressing this. White LGBT people need to acknowledge white privilege and call people out for making asinine, racist comments on the internet and in the public sphere. Just because you are gay it doesn't give you a free pass to be racist or sexist.

These discussions are too important for that kind of stunted knee-jerk type of thinking.

Not only does homophobia contribute to the escalating rates of HIV/AIDS in the black community, but the denial of marriage rights for gay men and lesbians is unfair discrimination, inequality, and intolerance that stamps gay people with a badge of inferiority.

I anticipate realizing Obama's promise of hope and change for all Americans. I celebrate what his victory means for our nation and to African-Americans. As one commenter here said a few days ago, it's a great time to have a black Democrat in the White House. Now, we have work to do. We are all harmed when the rights of some of us are taken away or denied. Even though the injustices we face are different, I remain in solidarity with all people who face true injustice.

At least the anti-choice folks didn't win

I turned on the computer this morning fully intending to write a glowing, beaming, disgustingly happy post about Obama, about progress and change and the spirit of America. After falling asleep to the sounds of celebration in the streets, I was ready this morning to jump up and down. I had a title ready – “The Bradley Effect can kiss my hot, victorious bootay.” It was good.

And then I sat down and started reading. It started with Virgin in the Volcano. Normally I count on her blog for some laughs, but not this morning. This morning she wrote,

“There were happy honkers here in Boston all night, celebrating Obama's victory and the blue turn of the House and Senate. After 8 years of Bush disasters, people finally had something to look forward to and felt good. But I don't feel good at all. In California, Prop 8, with 91% of the vote reported this morning, looks like it will pass, once again denying homosexuals the right to marry. Florida and Arizona passed props banning gay marriage. Arkansas passed a prop to ban gay couples from adopting. And in California, you know who voted overwhelmingly for Prop 8? Black people.

So exactly what kind of moment is this in history? I don't think it's the amazing triumph the newscasters are touting. A black man became president, sure, but the vote really wasn't for him. The vote was for whomever not connected to Bush, to the Republican party, who has steered the world into the worst economic crisis since the 1920's. People voted for their jobs and pension plans, the value of their mutual funds, the ability to obtain a line of credit. And when those things were not involved, they voted on the same old hateful lines. They voted to say, no faggots welcome.

The new myth of America, the one that drones on about change and humble beginnings, is the old myth of America, and I am tired of it. I am ashamed. I can't protect the people I love from institutionalized hate. My parents will have to pull out their No on 8 signs from the front lawn, feel over and over the ugly things the country has said about their son.”

I read the results of all of the ballot measures. I cried. It’s a resounding blow to gays. A resounding statement that America is not behind us – this hopeful, changing America.

I feel like the cheers were stolen right out of my mouth.

And yet…

Obama DID win. A black man will be the president of the United States of America.

I am disappointed that the country is not where I want it to be.

I am disappointed with the black voters in California.

I am personally hurt by the votes of people who want to deny people like me the right to marry the people we love or to adopt children.

BUT I can’t ignore the import of what happened yesterday. I can’t ignore the fact that the people of this country – black and white and hispanic and asian and everything in between – voted Obama into office.

Despite the pain of these ballot measures, I am moved by this election. I still feel hope. I can’t help myself. In a country where less than 50 years ago, it was not illegal to keep a black man from voting, a black man has become president. That message of hope and change is for all of us – even if today wasn’t our day. This election has shown us that impossibilities are possibilities and that our day will come.

So, I can’t jump up and down, but I won’t cry in the corner either.

Yesterday on my tour of the Supreme Court, the guide pointed out the different animals represented in the architecture of one of the courtyards. Lions to represent protection. Owls to represent wisdom. And turtles to represent the slow and steady pace of justice.

Slow and steady she goes….

Taking action

Over at the new gay, there's a post about hate crimes and the Adams Morgan attack that I previously wrote about. If you're in the DC area, head on over to their cite, and you can become a member of a google group that is doing work to stop hate crimes against the GLBT population in the DC area.

Sad, sad, sad

Of course I have to put in my two cents about Sarah Palin's interview. I have soooo much to say, but not enough time to say it and I've read a lot of other folks who have covered a lot of other bases, so I'm going to limit it to this. Charlie, I can't believe you let her get away with saying just this about homosexuality.

GIBSON: Homosexuality, genetic or learned?

PALIN: Oh, I don’t — I don’t know, but I’m not one to judge and, you know, I’m from a family and from a community with many, many members of many diverse backgrounds and I’m not going to judge someone on whether they believe that homosexuality is a choice or genetic. I’m not going to judge them.

Seriously? That tells me NOTHING. That's the crappiest answer I've ever heard. Who the hell cares whether she thinks it's genetic or learned? We're talking about policy-making here. Marriage or no marriage or rights or no rights or employment discrimination laws or none. And I've got that to say for a lot of the other questions too.

Fear and Anger -- from both sides it seems

I read part of this article over the shoulder of someone on the metro a couple of days ago. Like Metrokin (one of the victims of an attack against 4 gay men), I accepted my neighborhood as a safe place in which to hold hands with my girlfriend and even stop to kiss her on the street if I feel like it. I don't know if this article says to me that there simply is no safe place to do that, or if it's just not here. Or if horrible crimes just happen, and sometimes they happen to gay people. I want to distinguish myself from his story - to say that it's different because he's a gay man and I'm a lesbian, or because he was out at 4:00 in the morning and I rarely am. But I think that's just my desire to feel safe, and the differences don't really tell me anything in the end. And the truth is, I know guys who are walking home from the bar at 4:00 in the morning, and I want them to be safe too.

I'm angry with these attackers that I don't know, and I'm angry with everyone in the world who helps to create an environment where it's okay to hate gay people. I'm angry with them because I do not want to feel scared. I feel scared enough from worries that don't involve whether I'm gay or not - the fear of being a woman living alone in a big city. And now I feel like I have to be scared of being a gay woman in this ultra-gay neighborhood.

I'm probably not going to change my behavior in any real way because it's part of who I am, and that's part of the reason I chose to live where I do. But today standing on the street talking with my girlfriend, I held back from kissing her and felt myself tense up because a guy was looking at us as he passed.

Will we be any better?

Fannie over at Fannie's Room has a great post about Newt Gingrich's support of Proposition 8 in California. Proposition 8 is a response to the California Supreme Court's ruling that gay and lesbian couples in California may not be denied the right to marry. Fannie makes excellent points about the hypocrisy of the crusade to "defend marriage."

But don't get your knickers in a bunch, dear readers. I'm sure Gingrich's next move will be to "defend and protect marriage" by supporting amendments to make it illegal for adulterers to re-marry, to ban divorce, and/or to impose criminal penalties on adulterers. Marriage, you see, definitely needs protection against such immoral, depraved, and confused persons. And, since there are way more potential heterosexual adulterers than there are gay people, surely a proposed constitutional amendment affecting heterosexuals, rather than a vilified minority group, is imminent, right?

The one concern that I have about our side in this debate is statements that suggest that same-sex marriages are somehow more stable or lasting than heterosexual marriages. Fannie says:

Essentially, Newt is saying that marriage is good enough for him- a man who committed adultery numerous times- but not good enough for the millions of gay and lesbian couples who are undoubtedly more capable of commitment than he is.

Suggesting that if same-sex couples would take better care of their marriages than different-sex couples seems both unnecessary and probably untrue. Same-sex couples don't need to be "better" at marriage than hetero couples in order to have a right to it. They're two consenting adults who should have the same rights and responsibilities as other consenting adults - that includes the right to choose to enter a union as well as the right to choose to end one. The truth is that some couples last and some couples don't - both gay and straight.

I certainly hope that same-sex married couples will treat their relationships with a great deal of care and respect, but I hope the same thing for different-sex couples as well. Unfortunately, I will be surprised if, in the long run, same-sex couples end up having a much better track record than their precursors.

Swag!

Clearly I was visiting the wrong tables at Lavender Law. Granted, I'll never have to buy another highlighter, pen, or sticky-note pad. But what good are office supplies when you have dry skin and gross hair?