Wednesday, November 4, 2009


I ventured on to the Yes on 1 in Maine website this morning - it's actually Stand for Marriage Maine - to see what they were saying about yesterday's vote. It was risky for my sanity, but I'm continuously trying to understand what is behind the fear and hatred of gay marriage. I braced myself for a victory speech. I had already read the defeat speech at Protect Maine Equality, and imagining the victory cheering over at Yes on 1 made me feel sick to my stomach.

I clicked on the site. Nothing. No speech. No victory press release. Just all of the information about getting ready for the vote. It was like the website just stopped once the vote got started. And then I realized - it did. Because that's all they came here to do. They incited the requisite amount of fear, and their job was done. There was no need for a victory speech - nothing had really changed for them. They just retained the right to keep on being hateful. They could go home to dinner with their families and nothing had changed. Because what happens with this law DOES NOT AFFECT what happens in their home AT ALL. It just doesn't.

But the people over at No on 1 - they were having an election night party. They were liveblogging the election results. They were so hopeful. There were couples dreaming of the wedding they were going to plan this year. There were children excited that their parents were finally going to get married. There was a roomful of people who represented that hope that all of us around the country were feeling - that we could count on another state where people recognize that our love and our relationships deserve the same respect and the same name as heterosexual relationships. Not just the same rights - the same respect.

And all of them - and with them, all of us - went home so disappointed and so hurt and so angry. And what happens in their homes IS AFFECTED. They did have something taken away - something real. It's not theoretical for them - or for us - it's reality. The values are important, of course. Wanting to live in a world that recognizes certain things is important. But it's about real rights, too. It's about whether gay couples in Maine can sign a marriage certificate or not. And today, they cannot.

I hope that I am around when those who have supported anti-gay speech and legislation and actions learn to feel shame.


just jenn said...

thanks for posting this. i've composed and deleted about 13 comments (give or take 2) since earlier this evening. i'm still trying to coherently express my confusion/dismay/utter disagreement with the position statements on the *yes* website. "The roles of husbands and wives would become irrelevant." i just get stuck in a gender stereotype circle every time i try.

on a positive note, the whole EFFECT of these popular votes is that I am intentionally out more than i am typically comfortable with (read: introvert + gay is just one aspect of *me*). my coworkers know about my wife - the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful. my extended, conservatively-religious, family is welcome to read or ignore my facebook statuses that are on point. it's the little things i can do, for now. l'chaim.

WaltzInExile said...

I'm sorry, I tried to leave a comment yesterday from my iPod but the site doesn't load right in the stupid Safari browser so I couldn't.
That said, please know that there are many many of us in "traditional" marriages (pfft. What the hell does that even mean? My husband mops the floor and I take out the garbage; we're defying "traditional gender roles" every second of the day...but no one votes on my marriage) who stand with you and hope to live to see the day when these people feel shame for their actions and stance on this issue.

(In)Sanity Gal said...

Just Jenn - yes, every time something like this happens, i think about how out i'm being on a regular basis in my daily life. i am completely out, but there are relationships that i've allowed to die rather than choosing to enter into the difficult conversations. i am slowly moving towards broaching those topics...

WaltzinExile - thank you so much for the support. i so appreciate people who not only support us but who are paying attention to what's going on - it means a lot.

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