Monday, February 2, 2009

This has been building for a while

I hate being spat upon by public toilets. I don't mean to discriminate here. If a private toilet spat on me, I would hate that too. It's just that I've never been subject to this particular affront by a private toilet. No, as of now, it is only public toilets that take away my flushing autonomy and subject me to the particularized delight of haivng toilet water spew onto my bare nether regions as I pee. Or reach into my bag to grab a tampon. Or breath, as of late.

Just today I have been spat upon 6 times. I've gone to the bathroom THREE times. So, the excess water usage we're talking about is 3 flushes. Three wasted flushes. Unless, of course, toilets are the new bidets. And let me just say, if that's the plan, it's a bad one. Toilets should NOT be bidets. Things should go INTO a toilet, not come out of it. That seems like it would be a pretty general understanding, but clearly the automatic flush makers missed the memo. Because they're sending water shooting out of the toilet at double the necessary rate.

And I reject the imposition on my right to choose. Using the bathroom is a very private activity. I might go so far as to say that it is one of the most private activities in which I engage, aside from the fact that I have to regularly engage in it within 2 feet of random strangers. I oppose the implication that I am unable to make the choice for myself when (and if) I choose to flush. I'll address several arguments that may be fueling the automatic flushing movement:

1. Some people don't flush, so automatic flushing saves others from having to see their refuse.
It's true. Some people don't flush. Shame on them. They should be punished. Spew toilet water onto their asses. But, as of now, I am getting punished for their inability to flush. As much as I hate to walk into a stall with a toilet full of someone else's stuff, I prefer it to a wet butt.

2. Flushing the toilet requires touching the flush handle, and that's unsanitary.
True. Sort of. I am perfectly capable of grabbing a wad of toilet paper and using it to flush a toilet. I've done it before; I'll do it again. And other people can make that same choice if they'd like. But you know what's really unsanitary? Wildly spewing toilet water.

3. Automatic flushing creates ease of use for everyone.
It's true that automatic flushing is easier than having to turn around and flush the toilet yourself. However, I recommend a balancing test here. The benefit of ease of use must be weighed against any hygienic detriments. For instance, the benefit of ease of use associated with automatic faucets clearly outweighs any hygienic detriments. It removes the unsanitary element of touching the faucet handles. The automatic flushing is totally different. With automatic flushing, there's an addition of hygienic detriments. The aforementioned spitting problem.

Based on these arguments, it is clear to me (and should be clear to you) that automatic flushing toilets in their current state of functioning should be banished. I'll let you know if I figure out who to talk to about this.


Virgin In The Volcano said...

Um, wouldn't this same toilet spit back at you whether it did the flushing or you did?

(In)Sanity Gal said...

Yes, I think it would. But the key here is that I went have my bare butt hanging over it while that happened. I have never chosen to flush while on the toilet.

Virgin In The Volcano said...

True. Good point, Counselor. Now who do you know who can make this go away?

the babe said...

i want to know who can make it go away nationwide. i think it's time for the u.s. to admit that the automatic flush toilet was a failed experiment. if we really want to avoid the germs on the flusher, we should institute pedal flushers, and just flush with our feet. i want my flushing autonomy back!

(In)Sanity Gal said...

babe - i knew i was with you for a reason. you're brilliant. i'm starting a petition.

In it to my eyeballs said...

You've articulated all of my as yet unspoken angst regarding auto-toilets beautifully. Start a petition---circulate it widely, and let all self-respecting flushers of the world benefit from the wisdom that you've put forth here today.

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