Friday, February 20, 2009

All About the Funk

I've been in a for-serious funk lately. It's a new funk, though.

My previous funk was lots about law school - not being sure I should be in it, hating it, wanting instead to be a yoga instructor, baker, teacher, bum, travel writer, professional television watcher, novelist, interior decorator, chef, kitten, 8-year old, etc...

In my current funk, the whole anti-law school thing is just a yawn. Duh, law school sucks. Moving on. Which leaves me with a bit of confusion about what exactly the funk is about. And of course my therapist is away on a family emergency which leaves me to figure it out for myself. Hahahahahahaha. Is it possible to be addicted to therapy?

Anyway, the current funk is just...funky. And not in a good way. I cry. I'm cranky. I find fault with others. I find fault with myself...and then determine that it's not me, it's them...and then determine that it's not them, it's me...and then... I'm tired a lot.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not walking around depressed all the time. I laugh and hang out with friends and have a good time, but there's this sort of cloud that I keep carrying around that I can't seem to shake. I'll think I have and then OH Hello! It's you again you giant gray bastard!

So I've been thinking that maybe I'm just spending a little too much time thinking about me. Sometimes you need a lot of time to be with yourself and figure things out, and maybe sometimes you've been with yourself enough. And you need to get out of yourself and get some perspective.

And here comes the point.

I've been thinking about/talking about/researching about volunteering for a while. I've looked into a few things that didn't work out. But I sent in an application today to an organization that I'm really interested in volunteering with and here's hoping that they get back to me and say that they're got a place for someone with my skills.

There's part of me that's thinking - are you crazy?! You've got so much going on; how can you afford to spend time volunteering? But I think I've had enough of that voice for the moment. It's a little bit self-involved, and I'm not sure that's serving me all that well right now. So, I'm committed to this. I'm stepping out of the inside of my head.


:)Ibti said...

Good for you for getting involved! I would recommend Food & Friends (close to the Fort Totten metro) in the event that the other volunteer group is too lame to realize how awesome you are. As for the "having no time" concern, you know, I find that you use the time you have to do stuff (mostly for me this applied to things like writing papers in grad school or planning lessons when I was a teacher). When you perceive that you have more time, you will take more time. When you have less, you are more focused and efficient. (And when you have access to facebook, all other things seem to get behind schedule, but I digress....) In the meantime, if you need a hug, I'm around. And should you need to bake to alleviate the grump cloud, I offer myself as a commiserator. :P

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