Saturday, January 2, 2010

Hair: The Crazy-Maker

Watching an actress on television today, I decided that I was ready to cut my hair. I started to dial the number for the hair salon.

the babe: what are you doing?

me: i'm calling the hair salon.

the babe: really?! you're going to cut your hair?! now?! (these are not happy exclamations)

Some back story:

About 8 months ago, my hair was chin length. I decided that I wanted to grow it out. The babe expressed her disapproval of this idea (she likes me with short hair), but I really wanted to try out growing it long. I imagined it long and luscious.

It hasn't really turned out that way. Most days I wear it in a ponytail, and I don't like it that much unless I spend like an hour blow drying and straightening or curling it. Which I don't really do. So I've been toying with the idea of cutting it. So this actress put me over the edge.

The conversation continues after I make the appointment:

the babe: cancel the appointment. just wait another month. don't do it now. just wait a month.

me: but i don't like it. i don't want to wait a month.

the babe: but let it grow out. live with it for a month so that you really hate it. so the hatred is seared into your brain.

me: you want it short, though. why don't you want me to cut it? you want me to get this whole hair growing thing out of my system, don't you?

the babe: if you don't, then you're going to want to grow it out again.

me: (leaning over to the babe) i have a secret for you. i'm going to want to do it again. no matter what.

the babe: (putting her hands on my shoulders and turning me to face her) listen to me. listen. it's like you bought a house. and you're in the middle of renovations. and if you sell it now, you'll only make $400,000. and you won't really make a return on your investment. BUT... BUT if you just let the renovations finish, you'll make $500,000! A whole $100,000 more!!! JUST FINISH THE RENOVATIONS!!!

me: why do you care about this so much? has it been so tortured for you to look at me for the last 8 months while my hair has been growing out?

the babe: LONG HAIR HAS BEEN EVERYWHERE! IN THE SHEETS! IN THE BATHROOM!!! EVERYWHERE!!! (labored breathing) i'm thinking long-term. i just don't want it to happen again.

The truth comes out.


Virgin In The Volcano said...

Don't hate the messenger, but I think I just figured out why the majority of the world flaunts its heterosexuality: had you been involved with a man, he never would have noticed the long hair collecting on the floor and in the sheets.


Anonymous said...

My GF and I both have long hair, and I can promise you, the hair really *is* everywhere. I vacuum/ wipe it up daily.

Anonymous said...

I cut hair for over 20 years and I can tell the first hand that most of the drastic hairstyle changes are attributed to breakups. Nancy @ San Diego Hair Salon

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